A couple of weeks ago, a friend said to me that she wanted me to meet a friend of her husband's. He's nice, she said. Really nice. He's just a nice guy who owns his own business, likes animals, loves music, loves a good time. He's nice. Great, I said. I like nice.
We met on the weekend, at our mutual friend's housewarming party. He was nice. He was nice to talk to. He was nice to his friends. He was nice in bed. He was nice in the morning. He was nice in the text he sent me. He was nice.
Finally, a nice guy who is interested in me. That's nice.
Except. Except, of course, you know what's coming, don't you? Nice isn't always enough, is it?
It's nice to feel butterflies in your tummy when you think of him. It's nice to jump with wound-up excitement whenever your phone's message alert beeps. It's nice to plan what you're going to wear when you see him next. It's nice to lie in bed at night and remember what you did to each other and feel the pit of your stomach turn warm.
We're supposed to be going out this week. I don't want to call it a date.
So, what do you do? What do I do? Am I wrong, is nice enough? Do you need the anticipation of the next text, the next phone call, the next time you kiss? Or do you enjoy the certainty that all of those things will happen because he's nice and that's what nice guys do?
Is chemistry overrated? Is it a good idea to build a relationship on friendship alone? Where does attraction fit into all of that?
I remember being told once that it is always better to have someone be more into you than you are to them. I remember being incredibly shocked that someone could be so calculated in a relationship, but now, I do see the benefits. In a horribly selfish way, it's like having the upper hand. In a way, it's how I imagine most men feeling.
It's never easy though, is it? Finally a nice guy and he's perfect on paper. He's into me. That's nice, it really is. But I don't want a nice paper boyfriend, I want some passion and I want butterflies and I want things to get things to get hot.
I kind of feel like I'm (for want of a better expression) digging my own grave here, turning away a nice guy.
4 comments:
Nice is good but it's attraction and chemistry that matters!! Oh girl, I know all too well ;-)
SHUT UP!!!!!!! You KNOW that nice is not enough! You KNOW it.
And just for the record. I can't believe you quoted that little idea about having someone like you better than you like them. Yeah. I was riding on that idea, too, when I married the wrong guy. And he was always NICE until it mattered the most.
When things are NICE, the only burning in your belly that you are going to get is that twinge of dreading to have to fake a passionate kiss yet again.
It sounds like the problem is not so much niceness but chemistry. Things can get steamy with nice guys too. I say give this guy another shot or two but if you still don't start to get butterflies, then you'll know. And try internet dating already.
Oh that's always such a total bummer!! I would give it another couple dates though, who knows, maybe the spark will build...maybe. It's worth a shot anyway, nothing to lose right?
Post a Comment
Leave a comment and make me feel special